


When You Cry

by Saudadetea



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, WIN Era, bandfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 03:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11454930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saudadetea/pseuds/Saudadetea
Summary: It takes some time, but Hanbin learns to give and take comfort.





	1. When You Cry [1/2]

**Author's Note:**

> It's angsty but sweet. I promise!

The first time Hanbin hears Bobby cry is within three months of their first year together in the trainee dorms.

At first Hanbin couldn't tell what the sound was. It wasn't until morning when Hanbin was greeted by a bright smiling face with slightly puffy eyes that he realized what he heard was actually small sniffles and occasional hiccups.

Hanbin doesn't say anything and neither does Bobby.

But Hanbin pays attention and he knows the reasons as to why Bobby breaks. Phone calls home at weird hours in the night to talk to a family time zones away. The voice on the other side having all the power to make Bobby laugh and further strengthen his resolve for a distant but seeable dream.

Then comes the homesickness and second guessing in silent waves. It’s soft and muffled in the quiet of the dorm, but Hanbin wakes for it anyway. Maybe he’s tuned to hear him specifically or just never really sleeping. In either case it’s Hanbin who always stills himself, feigning sleep. And Hanbin who listens to how many times his own heart can break with every shaky breath Bobby makes thinking no one else can hear.

For that, Hanbin knows Bobby doesn't quite call home as often.

Eventually more people join them and their dorm becomes a crowded mess of young men and their belongings. The lack of privacy is alarming and the showers never really run hot unless you're the first one up at 5 in the morning. But they're family and Hanbin looks out for them all the best he can.

The added heads makes Bobby a hyung over more people other than him and Hanbin likes to think that Bobby likes the responsibility. Even though he still acts like a kid who whines for attention and laughs at anything and everything you say.

But, it makes Bobby's eye smile brighter and the nights spent in loneliness rare and distant. But, there's still times where the love hurts too much. Especially when it’s for something missing.

There are many nights where Hanbin stays out at the studios for too long into morning. Returning because there are no showers there and he needs fresh clothes. He receives in payment for his hard work a welcoming bed instead of a computer desk and the site of what he fights for sound asleep with their dreams.

He’ll stare at one in particular, wondering if he had missed yet another moment to comfort the hyung who is nothing but comfort for him. He’ll turn away yet again with his guilt and fall into his own sheets. Then let out a quiet sigh before he's left to enjoy what little minutes are left of the darkness outside.

Practice, training, instructions. Hours and hours go past them. Hanbin often wonders why such a romantic word like _dream_ is used to describe what he works for. Yes, he dreams of the big stage, of the screaming fans, of the countless albums on his book self all with his name in them. However, he doesn't dream about the stress or the pain, or the sweat, or the tears. Even when they debut the workload will still be there. So what part of this journey is as carefree as a dream?

He often thinks about stuff like that when he's locked out of the YG building due to holidays or, lately, fatigue catching up to him. On these days he stays in bed in an oversized hoodie and sheets pulled up to his chin. A notebook and pencil remain reach incase nagging inspiration comes to his constantly talking mind. Night eventually descends, the lights get turned off and the dorm quiets after a rush of _"good night"_ ‘s fill the air and Hanbin is no more closer to sleep then he was in the morning.

As he tosses about in his bed, wads of paper tumble off to be surely kicked and become lost in the mess of Bobby's things or under someone's bed. He contemplates the symptoms of insomnia now.

Later while in his imagery of jumping flocks of sheep, he hears it. A sudden pang arises in his chest and he knows he can’t ignore it. Not this time. Not ever again.

The muffled sound comes again and Hanbin is up. He grabs the box of tissues next to his bed, maneuvers over Bobby’s mess of things, and comes to sit in the soft folds of Bobby's comforter. Hanbin's hand finds a shoulder and he pushes it down until a face stares back at him.

Tears welled up in those gentle eyes spill over and Hanbin's breath stops when the expression looking back at him seems to say _what took you so long_?

"Jiwon-ah," Hanbin whispers.

It's abrupt but all the same feelings are there just if he were to do it gently. Hanbin crashes against Bobby's chest as the other starts to move to sit up. His arms encircle Bobby and the action is returned with, at first, hesitancy and lightness, but Bobby's head buries itself into Hanbin's shoulder and his hands cling to the material on Hanbin's back.

A quiet sigh relieves itself and then a heavy held back sob.

"Let it out. It's okay. I'm here." Hanbin repeats again and again, arms tightening around him all the while.

Tissues are used, tears dry, the guilt on Hanbin's conscious fades, and they lie on their sides facing each other. There are shared whispers and small laughs, but mostly they stay in comfortable silence. Hanbin watches, admires, Bobby normally from far away but now they're so close in the blue glow of the night light that makes the shadows warp the features of their faces.

"You're even uglier in the darkness. How can that be?" Bobby teases.

"You're one to talk," Hanbin says as he picks up one of Pooh's plush dangly arms and uses it push Bobby's face away.

Bobby smiles and it's the one thing that doesn't get warped.

 

 

Hanbin doesn't hesitate anymore. On the first few notes of a whimper from a bad dream or a shaky breath that details what’s to come Hanbin climbs out of his bed and into another's. In truth it's only every so often and after months of build up, but on those nights the worse is never allowed to come and Hanbin sleeps soundly next to the warmest comfort he knows.

Other times, it's Bobby who comes to him. A wetness in the eyes that has yet to accumulate enough to spill or a shaky _"Hanbin-ah"_ immediately has Hanbin folding back his covers. He welcomes Bobby in and the little plush friend that's been dragged along. A kiss on the forehead for them both.

And then there's times when Hanbin comes back for his minutes of sleep and his empty bed isn't as inviting as it used to be. Instead he turns to one that's already warm and filled with someone who welcomes the intrusion without comment.

Sleep comes easy on nights like these. For more than one.

 

 

 

~


	2. When You Cry [2/2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobby learns that not all tears are made from salt water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha, this is one is nowhere as fluffy (but there is some at the end). WIN era.

Hanbin doesn't cry.  
  
Or well, Bobby thinks Hanbin just doesn't give into self pity. He, in a way respects that, admires it even.  
  
He's seen Hanbin break only under the emotional bidding of others. Like when they had a dinner and somewhere within the heat of stress and hard driven hope all five of them broke with thank you’s and gratitude for their stoned face leader. The lot of them quickly becoming six ugly crying boys trying to stifle back well earned tears in front of a worried camera crew and a packed ramen restaurant wondering what the fuck was going on.

Maybe part of the reason for the lack of tears is because Hanbin takes the role of leader seriously, always knowing he has to be the stable one when everything else isn’t. They keep telling Hanbin to share the load, that being a good leader also means knowing when to ask for help. But, each time Hanbin just brushes them off and continues his balancing act. With every hardship or scolding the stack grows taller and Bobby knows one of these days something is bound to fall.  
  
The effects are invisible for the most part, since Hanbin focuses so well and was a workaholic even before Bobby got to YG. But it leaves room to wonder if the years spent in the studios made him that way or if it really is all natural. Because sometimes, when a sore bodied Hanbin crawls into his bed and tells him of all the places he wants to see, Bobby wonders just how much this boy has gotten to live outside these walls. It’s something in the way Hanbin asks  _“what do you think Busan looks like in the snow?”_  or  _“I hear Hongdae is a great place to meet girls”_ , that makes Bobby imagine Hanbin idly staring at bus and plane tickets when no one else is around. Parts of him pities Hanbin, while a different part of him festers and unnerves him to think that one day Hanbin would just…

"Lets find out after we debut," Bobby says pulling Hanbin back from his daydreams to runaway. Realizing then, that when it comes to Hanbin, he is actually quite greedy.  _You can't leave me. I won't let you._  
  
  
  
WIN has given them more than just the taste of their dreams. Bobby doesn't have the pleasure of knowing their names in the same way they know his, but he can feel their love even when barricades keep them away. Their excitement is contagious and in the rush of bright lights and sound they all share the same collective to see this team succeed.  
  
And then, in that last and final stage, Hanbin brings them all to tears.  
  
"Tell them," Bobby shouts. His chest suddenly constricting under the crushing amount of pride he has at seeing that boy's back. Red hair set ablaze under the spot light. Alone and silhouetted in the center of everything, Hanbin stands spitting his words, his thoughts, his world into that mic. And when he falls onto his knees, his voice is just as strained and raw as the desperation to show every last bit of himself.  
  
  
  
But it's not enough.  
  
  
  
They don't win, but one look at their hyungs would make you think that they hadn't either. A stage of crying losers. But Bobby knows that’s not the case.  
  
A bubble of unease builds in his chest, but he smiles, _"I'm happy for you. You deserve this,"_  he says to each hyung and he sincerely means it. Smiling slightly more when he sees big baby Mino crying for them rather then for his own happiness.  
  
Bobby's eyes are wet too now. Yet, even in the blurriness he finds his way to Hanbin's side. The spot next to his friend a small comfort in the mess. It’s also a place where he knows he's needed most in. He rubs at Hanbin's shoulder and their bodies brush as the boy turns to him.  
  
The confliction in Hanbin's eyes is as obvious as the tears soaking his cheeks. "I wanted to see you bring her home."  
  
Bobby wants to ask  _who_ , but the way Hanbin avoids his stare tells him all he needs to know. "Hanbin..."  
  
"I wanted to stop your tears, I wanted..." Hanbin makes a small weak gesture to what’s around them, "this for you guys."  
  
His voice breaks on that and so does Bobby. "Damn you," he says and it’s the only thing today that actually holds any hint of defeat. Bobby can't even bring himself to look at Hanbin in fear that his tears would hurt even more.  
  
Again Hanbin is crying selflessly. And again it makes Bobby love him more even though he hates it. Hates that Hanbin has all the rights to cry over a dream that has just been beaten and crushed and chewed on. Hates that Hanbin has tied himself to Bobby's personal goals on bringing his family to Korea. Hates that when Hanbin is embraced by others his broken smile appears. And Bobby absolutely  ** _hates_** , that even though he is now a mess, that Hanbin's tears are drying and stony coldness is setting across his features instead.  
  
"Pabo," Bobby manages to say. "There's nothing you could have done better."  
  
But he doesn't think Hanbin hears him. And if he did, he chose to ignore it.  
  
In the days that follow Hanbin losses himself in a darkness that not even Bobby can penetrate. Like a routine, Bobby quietly watches as Hanbin readies himself in the early lightless morning. The detail of undisturbed bed sheets not unnoticed as Hanbin carries away his armory of notebooks and pens. His favorite weapon of choice being the chaotic mess of tunes and lyrics cluttering his mind.  
  
In the nights that come and go Bobby finds that a constant coldness keeps creeping into his bed. It's hard to ignore and impossible to get rid of. It clings to his sides and spoons against his back. He learns that it comes not from a person, but the lack thereof.  
  
It’s frustrating. More so when he can’t decide which is more annoying, the fact that he refrains from confronting Hanbin or that Hanbin refuses to ask for help in the war he fights on their behalf.  
  
Months pass and the deadness starts to lift from Hanbin's eyes. They haven't been broken up or kicked out of the company. So Bobby takes that as a good thing and tells Hanbin just the same. And warmth returns to Bobby's bed bit by bit.  
  
If there were anymore tears had by any of them then they come out in the form of days spent locked away in the YG studios practicing. The effects revealed in body sores, blisters, and a tight knit bond woven through the six of them.  
  
  
  
Bobby comes to put aside his annoyance for Hanbin's lack of helplessness and instead learns to support him in other ways. He brings food to the studio and drags Hanbin out for fresh air and sun. He listens to all the songs Hanbin makes and dances along, which puts a smile back on Hanbin's face.  
  
Bobby’s stare lingers a little longer than before. Not that he really notices since he’s just looking at something great. But Hanbin does. He often tells him to stop or asks  _“what”_  in that exasperated tone Bobby finds funny instead of serious.  
  
_“Nothing,”_  Bobby always answers flashing a perfect eye thinning smile at the other.  
  
When there’s nothing to do but just watch Hanbin work, Bobby sometimes just ends up talking after the boredom becomes too drowsy. He shares anything new that he learned, or advice that Hanbin hadn’t asked for, and maybe more than once or twice or thrice, Bobby says three syllables to see Hanbin fluster.  
  
It also gets  _him_  a whack on the head. But if the small tint of red on Hanbin’s skin is any sign at all, than eventually those flustering moments will be a bit sweeter.  
  
But for today, Bobby just settles on bringing up a few forgotten promises. “Hanbin,” he says. “I think we’ll be able to see what Busan looks like in the snow very soon.” 

 

 

 

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Originally the second part was going to have the title "when you need to cry" but because someone's character **coughHANBINcough** changed during the writing process the previous idea didn't work. Bobby was supposed to comfort a crying Hanbin in the end, but heh that's not really Hanbin now is it?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is also on livejournal under coquettish-rap. Also find me on tumblr under that same name :)  
> Comments make me cry with happiness~


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